This all starts with an origin that arises from being born and raised in the south. Especially growing up in the old bible belt area, I would be certainly exposed to the language and formalities of the Christian religion by name. I would hear constantly about the mentioning of Jesus as this good role model, how Christians are teaching upon the works of righteousness and that America is this great Christian nation which grants us the freedoms we have because of Christianity alone. I used to affirm these things, but then there was also poison which was taught. I was also taught by some of my peers at school (not my family or parents, thank God) that Christianity was a white person's religion and that non-white people (African Americans in particular) were people whom we shouldn't associate with and distance ourselves from. This was during the late 90s to early 2000s and there was still some scars of racism that could be found. While I participated in that cultural sinfulness at that time in my early elementary school youth, I repented of and resented that history which taught one thing that I eventually learned was sinful.
But it didn't necessarily start from my middle school years for my time to become Christian. What I was learning was the shock of seeing friends and students who were clean at first in their behavior to immediately going into the 6th grade with loads of cussing and profanity as well as they had interests in doing drugs and other things that I cannot speak of on here. It was shocking and it lead to me eventually adopting one of my other past ways of living that showed another distortion on Christianity from my part: Perfectionism. I was eventually of the persuaded mind that everybody needed to begin to act right and if they showed one sign of any form of sin, lie, or imperfect act, then I was to dismiss them and never view them as somebody to associate with or ever trust again.
The problem with this, I am sure you can imagine, is that I was essentially a big hypocrite regarding this manner. I was applying this standard to others and yet was quick to dismiss it when it came to myself. At least in partiality. I became aware of the hypocrisy later in my life until I eventually got into high school and would find ways to beat myself up physically either by punching myself in the face, taking my belt to beat my own self behind closed doors, or to scream loud in private. I was somebody who struggled. It could've been a combination of my eventually learned autistic tendencies (I found out I was formally diagnosed as being on the spectrum) and anger that I had built up from previous experiences. However, it was still all rooted in this one idea about perfection in which I was hearing about that Jesus taught.
Keep in mind that at this moment, I have never read a bible. I have not picked it up in my life. I went to church at times (we weren't necessarily forced to attend or made to go unless it was a holiday) and I always ignored the sermon or dismissed the bible being read. I eventually came to the misguided conclusion that Jesus was a righteous perfectionist and that he was persecuted by wicked people. I then talked often about how I was going to one day invent a time machine and rescue Jesus from being crucified so that I could help him continue his message. It is probably at this point you have seen what all kind of whacky nonsense I was being taught indirectly by my peers at the time. I was rebellious, but even more so I was being built by a strange culture that combined secular politics of the south with the religious themes of the bible. I repented of racism, but only moved onto perfectionism as another way to isolate those around me. Until that fateful Sunday of March 31, 2013. It was on Easter Day that a miracle was performed.
I was enjoying the food and starting to get curiosity in watching a show that was on entitled "The Bible" on the History Channel. I was trying to watch it when my grandpa from my stepmom's side of the family came over to watch the TV with me. I had heard from him about Christianity only briefly and he was never the origin of my ideas. Until now. I asked him briefly about Jesus and asked "Why did the Romans kill him? Why did they crucify him in such a brutal way?" My PawPaw (as I call him), would look at me and tell me these words that would forever change my life. "He came to die on the cross so that our sins would be forgiven and atoned for." I then asked if this meant Jesus would willingly die for us. He responded "He did willingly do so. He went to that cross when he had the power to save himself. He went to that cross so that we would be made right with God and that our sins would be forgiven." This shook me at my core and was wrestling against my view of perfectionism. I believed people who sinned shouldn't be forgiven and I wanted to rescue Jesus. Jesus, however, came to forgive and redeem us so that we could be made right before God. I went to my room after lunch and sat there privately, pondering upon these words.
I would then finally pick up this very old KJV Bible up and read the words contained as I searched for answers in the New Testament. I then even came upon the part of the New Testament which read as such in John 18:10-12:
"Then Simon Peter having a sword drew it, and smote the high priest's servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant's name was Malchus. Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it? Then the band and the captain and officers of the Jews took Jesus and bound him."
It was at this point that these words would help me find somebody that I felt closely identified to in the biblical text. I was Peter in my desire to rescue Jesus and in reading this, would discover that Jesus would've rejected my help if I did try to save him. I was shocked. I then thought about my sins and how I could be forgiven and redeemed simply by putting my faith and trust in Jesus Christ. I then felt no sorrow, yet tears managed to rush down my face as if it was like a river. I then looked down after this and thought it was an illusion until I felt two wet spots on my carpet floor that indicated it wasn't false. I then decided at that point to dedicate my life to Christ as I became born again on that fated Easter Sunday. It would be at this point that my life would change forever.
I would then study my Bible often and even attempt to read all of the books of the Bible. It took some time before I finished it all, but I at least was dedicated. I was even interested in sharing my faith with several others at school and eventually college. I have then also started learning more and even getting my family involved. One of the influential people in my faith was my stepmom, who was pretty much a blessing to me and was even somebody who I just called my Ma at times because of how much she put up with me while showing loving kindness that I haven't learned from others before. We got to the point that eventually we would talk about the Bible with several questions and curiosities.
I would however encounter one other problem that I needed to resolve. Where would I go to church? What was my denominational belief? I started going to a non-denominational church as I originally identified as such. It was there that I would study the Bible and learn more from the church at this point. However, I was also bound to be ignorant of certain things and would develop a brief and short affirmation of some sort of Universalism during this time (universal reconciliation theory to be precise). I would even talk about how everybody is going to heaven and that we shouldn't worry about Hell. However, I would eventually be shown how this was contrary to scripture and ignores Jesus' teachings of Hell and eternal damnation. I would struggle afterwards with being a part of this church and tending as I eventually fell out of the church there.
However, I then decided to join my uncle's church and learn Baptist theology (Southern Baptist in particular). I would get fired up from the old fashioned southern preaching of my uncle/pastor who then showed a big influence unto me about the love of God as he taught very much about forgiveness, love and compassion for people. Especially about other people. He even would talk about how in the Southern Baptist church, people were being sectarian among other protestant denominations such as Baptists, Methodists, Church of Christ, Pentecostal, and various others were saying that we can't learn or fellowship with each other. My pastor would sometimes repeat this often understood position of some southern Christians before shouting "Oh quit it! God cares about if you follow after Jesus Christ as your Lord, not which way you baptize your family or what denomination you join." This really shocked me as this was a Southern Baptist pastor saying he didn't care if people weren't Southern Baptists. This was amazing!
I eventually started affirming an affirmation of what is called Reformed Theology or Calvinism as others call it. I started off in a very cringe & horrible way of thinking first in what would be called "Cage Stage" Calvinist because I would be like "be a calvinist bro. Why aren't you calvinist! It's soooo biblical apart from these free will trash religions" or "debate me bro!" I eventually got away from that toxic and poisonous way of thinking. However, I would eventually notice that people were not okay with this view as I noticed some would disagree (as is normal), but some would go as so far to condemn it as heresy. It would even be so much of a charge that I was treated as a non-Christian and therefore people should not associate with me because I follow "a doctrine of demons."
I would confide in my pastor to talk about these things and he gave me a wise piece of advice. He essentially told me that he disagreed with Calvinism because he would rather only learn from the Bible. We agreed with this as we were both affirmers of Sola Scriptura. He then talks about he will quote any commentary or Christian man regardless such as John Calvin, John Wesley, Matthew Henry (his favorite I think), John Gill and many others. He believed that several men could be wrong on things, but he didn't view John Calvin or Calvinism as something sinful or heretical. This showed me as well that among the Southern Baptists, there was this unity and diversity of the church. 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 helps teach this lesson that I eventually learned and then preached on back then.
"For just as the body is one and has many parts, and all the parts of that body, though many, are one body—so also is Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all given one Spirit to drink. Indeed, the body is not one part but many. If the foot should say, “Because I’m not a hand, I don’t belong to the body,” it is not for that reason any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I’m not an eye, I don’t belong to the body,” it is not for that reason any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God has arranged each one of the parts in the body just as he wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” Or again, the head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that are weaker are indispensable. And those parts of the body that we consider less honorable, we clothe these with greater honor, and our unrespectable parts are treated with greater respect, which our respectable parts do not need. Instead, God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the less honorable, so that there would be no division in the body, but that the members would have the same concern for each other. So if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and individual members of it. And God has appointed these in the church: first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, next miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, leading, various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all do miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But desire the greater gifts. And I will show you an even better way."
It was in this lesson that I eventually became aware of some divisions among the church despite the need for unity. I was still a Protestant who rejected Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy, but I was sympathetic of a desire to unify the church. It was harmful to see some willing to cut ways with me because I was a Calvinist, but it was even more harmful to see some of my fellow Calvinists willing to cut off fellowship with people who weren't Calvinists. It was a sad thing because rejecting Calvinism was not heresy and neither was affirming it heretical. But we saw people willing to excommunicate and declare others as non-Christians for mundane things. So it was in this that I even distanced myself from certain Calvinists who acted as if they remained the Cage Stage and just resorted to be separating themselves from other Christians in the body of Christ.
It was also at this point I had started studying more and started to approach my ten year anniversary of becoming a born again Christian that I was struggling with understanding worship and doing so as a Protestant. I was also really struggling with praying as I used to only do so at night or rarely saying grace before my meals. I however soon started reading the early church fathers more in detail. I was already familiar with 1 Clement and the epistles of Ignatius of Antioch, but I hadn't tried reading the others as I wasn't too familiar. I have read briefly some church history works, but it was time to enrich my knowledge on the early Christian church to understand how they worshipped. It was even moreso interesting when I encountered the Didache. I found some interesting patterns of worship and understanding that soon become more familiar to the Anglican tradition I had read up on.
I soon eventually settled on finding a church in my town and discovered a church that was called the Episcopalian Church, a denomination of Anglicanism that would follow similar patterns with some slight differences. I came to love this church as I would learn of it's use of bishops, deacons and priests as well as it's affirmation of tradition. It was even more edifying and glorious when I attended the Eucharist services and soon learned that the services used more scripture than I ever read in a sermon in church. They would sing the psalms and canticles (songs of the bible), they would read the Old Testament and New Testament epistles, they would even read from the Gospel. This was all in one sitting before we even managed to get to the sermon which only last 15 minutes. It was about a whole hour which was mostly of scriptural readings and prayers before God. Especially in the taking of the Eucharist every Lord's Day (while there is also a Wednesday Eucharist as well at noon).
I started then pondering upon this and figured out that I craved this church and talked with my uncle/pastor about departing ways with the church so that I would seek this, though let him know that there was nothing that I thought he did wrong. He agreed that this would be best for me if I felt that this is what the Spirit led me to. With that, I became an Episcopalian in The Episcopal Church. It was at that point that I enjoyed the worship, the fellowship and even my daily prayer found in the Book of Common Prayer (which I will eventually make a blog post on). I also realized that there was one thing that was a benefit to being a part of this church. The unity among diversity with the body of Christ. Though the phrase I came across was Via Media or "The Middle Way."
To quote from the Episcopal Church Dictionary it is defined as such:
"It is from the philosophy of Aristotle. In his Nicomachean Ethics, he found the virtues such as justice and courage to be the middle way between the extremes of either side. “Courage” was thus the via media between foolhardiness and cowardice. The via media came into religious usage when Anglicans began to refer to the Church of England as a middle way between the extremes of Roman Catholicism and Puritanism. Under Queen Elizabeth I, the via media of the Elizabethan Settlement retained much of the traditional catholic practice but without submission to papal authority. Uniformity of worship was required, but considerable latitude was allowed for individual conscience. Richard Hooker was the great apologist for the Elizabethan Settlement against both Puritanism and Roman Catholicism. Via media is often misunderstood in a negative way to mean compromise or unwillingness to take a firm position. However, for Aristotle and those Anglicans who have used it, the term refers to the “golden mean” which is recognized as a more adequate expression of truth between the weaknesses of extreme positions."
I became enriched with wanting to practice my faith and thus this would be one which settles it for me. If I soon forsake becoming a Calvinist, I wouldn't have to worry about which denomination I am in because the Episcopal Church accepts Calvinists and non-Calvinists. If I forsake Divine Simplicity, the Episcopal Church would still accept me. If I affirmed some small difference, they'd accept me as we still affirmed the essential creeds and the seven ecumenical councils. We also affirmed Sola Scriptura among other Protestant doctrines. It was in this that I found a way to belong to a church that I could be satisfied in with my thirst and hunger for Christianity while also maintaining the affirmation of the universal catholic church that is united yet diverse as opposed to divided. United by the Father, Son & Holy Spirit. Amen.
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